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Norrathian Features  By Sam Smith |
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| EQ2 Lore Parody: Awakenings |
The self appointed Ogre historian spilled the scrolls onto the stone slab that would serve as a table. No more than 6 scrolls spilled out of the sack. “This is the entire record of our Ogre history?” “Yes, I’ve told you.” They peered closer, carefully examining each scroll in turn, attempting to review eight hundred years of history in one evening. Of the six historical scrolls, three turned out to be yellowing birthday cards, and one, once fully unraveled, seemed to be a chain of paper-men. Uurduk hissed in frustration, casting each useless scroll in turn across the room, at various subordinates belonging to the weaker unions. Only two carried any vaguely historical significance. One was what the increasingly-nervous ‘historeean’ called "an erm.. census – dat is"; a piece of paper on which someone had proudly written ‘Ruug was here!’ and a couple of other Ogres had added ‘Roz woz ere’ and ‘me woz ere too’. Still – if nothing else, it showed some proof that the Ogres had at least existed in times gone by, but that was precious little comfort. “I’m sorry m’lord.” He ventured, ‘but we just did not keep records.’ The old Ogre shrugged. ‘Our ancestors just never read patch messages.’ The last scroll, at least, was what was probably at least once regarded as a ‘historical record’. It documented the invasion of Gukta, some 500 years ago; “We is told dat maybe dem froggies is coming. Me is gonna squish froggies and kick dem ass! Froggies is come yesterday. Me squished froggies and kicked dem ass! Except for they won. Dem is in Oggok now. ‘Dis is sucks.” This was helpfully accompanied by a diagram of the battle – someone had crayoned on a stick man with what was probably meant to be a frog head, with an arrow pointing to a big blob labeled as ‘Oggok’, and another pre-school rendition of an Ogre with an arrow pointing the other way. Uurduk brung his fist down forcefully into the stone table. “See! We were not always here in dese rocks! We woz once a race of kings! But it be taken away by frogs!” “These are peaceful times.” Replied an elderly Ogre, sternly. “For now what we need is food. We will move out, expand der farmlands.” Uurduk groaned, becoming more agitated. “That is not our path!” He shouted, spraying spit over his superior like a true Ogre. The elderly Ogre suddenly looked scornful. “You will watch your tone wen u speaks to me! My word is law in dis town.” And it was true. It used to be the case where the strongest Ogre took leadership in combat with the town elder, but this was no longer so, ever since the current chief had cried ‘Luk over dere!’ causing the old chief to turn around, then when he looked back he told him; ‘I’ve just been made kingy. Wen u were looking around de old kingy sed so.’ The old chief had looked confused, ‘Did I?’ ‘Yup’. And that was that, the old chief had been forced to relinquish his title, as Ogre law clearly stated that anyone who disobeyed the chief’s orders was in trouble, and he had not wanted to risk it. Uurduk did not show the respect the chief wanted. “It is time for us to show courage! It is time for us to embrace our destiny!” Uurduk often spoke of such things. He was foremost among Oggok’s warriors. He had seen many a battle, and was covered in scars. One of these battles, long ago fought, had claimed the Ogre’s left eye, leaving just a fearsome blood encrusted eyeball. This injury made him even more terrifying, and even worse to look at. Some believed it to be a mark of Zek, and there was not one amongst Oggok’s ranks who did not feel at least slightly intimidated by the gigantic, battle scarred Ogre and that bare eye socket encased in dry blood. This held true of even the cities’ chief, who might have had another Ogre whipped for such disrespect. Instead, he tried to find words to restore his authority and control of the situation. He found it rather hard to select these words, however, due to the sudden presence of a 20 foot being behind Uurduk. The monstrous creature seemed to have a skin encrusted with boiling lava. Then slowly, recognition dawned on the elderly Ogre. “Lord. Rallos?” He squeaked in disbelief, dropping to one knee. Suddenly he felt incredibly guilty, and feared for his life. Two summers ago there had been a mighty statue of Rallos Zek which resided in the Oggok center. Unfortunately, some Trolls had visited, and one of them had a really cool hat. The chief, believing that it was his duty as Oggok’s leader to obtain such a fine example of hatdom, had gambled a turnip, the giant statue, and the hand in marriage of any of the city’s livestock, to try and win the Trolls pimpin’ hat. “No.” The being boomed, its voice deep and forceful. “I am the avatar of Rallos Zek. Doing his bidding directly upon this world.” The Avatar of War suddenly spun around, a large red sword drawn in his hand. He brought the blade to a halt mere millimeters away from Uurduk’s face, but the tough young Ogre didn’t even flinch. The Avatar nodded his approval. “I have been waiting so long to hear those words. What is your name?” “I am Uurduk.” The Avatar hesitated, evaluating the name for evil potential. He was unsure, it wasn’t exactly a name that struck terror into the hearts of men, but then again, it could be worse. The Avatar stared into Uurduk’s eyes, and saw the horrific chasm of an empty socket staring back. He smiled. Behind him, the old chief was furiously trying to fashion a replacement statue out of the muddy ground. So far he had managed to create a small lump. “You will be my general. You will lead this town to victory over the entire of Norrath.” “I am yours to command, Rallos.” And then, with great ceremony, the Avatar of Rallos Zek reached down and touched his one eyed Ogre. Where the Avatar’s fingers had been, there was a mark of burnt skin. “You are touched by Zek. Now go, lead!” The Avatar held out a sword to the new general. “This is Soulfire, but it prefers to be called Jimmy. This is no ordinary sword. It is a living being, capable of sucking the blood of any enemy you strike. It will lead you to victory, delivering a terrible death to those who oppose you, and it even makes French fries.” The sword hummed as it was set into Uurduk’s waiting hand. He waved it experimentally, watching the flames that covered its surface stream in the wind. The sword emitted an unnatural humming. Desperate to please the Avatar of War, and to ensure his place as a true evil villain, so that we know exactly who we are meant to be rooting for, Uurduk thrust the sword into the quavering chief. The Ogre staggered back, shocked, groaning in agony as Soulfire sucked his blood from his body with a bone chilling, but also oddly comical, slurping noise. “You servez Rallos better now in death dan ever in life, my friend” Uurduk spat. The Avatar emitted a low rumble of approval, before fading away as quickly as he had appeared. When he was sure the Avatar was gone, Uurduk used the fire that streamed across the blade’s surface to write naughty words in the night sky. Comments / Feedback - Click here to add your comment. Posted by Guest on September 17, 2004 10 PM Here's the proper version by the way. I would really like to know what people think of this, as I really don't think it's my best story and might take it down and keep it just on the forums. http://eq2players.station.sony.com/en/lore.vm?section=chapter_04 Posted by Guest on July 09, 2005 10 AM Posted by Guest on July 10, 2005 03 AM Posted by Guest on July 10, 2005 01 PM Posted by Guest on July 10, 2005 10 PM WoW Gold Price Comparison |